Help! A worship team member had an affair

Alex | (00:00)

What do we do when one of our worship team members commits a huge sin that affects the entire church? That’s what I’m going to be answering in this episode. As much as I like to think that the academy is all about my courses and that my content is the most important thing that happens in the academy. The truth is, probably the most important thing that happens in the academy is the community that we have and the way that the worship leaders who are in the academy are able to ask their questions and ask for advice and how all of the academy members just rally around each other and support each other and give advice and give answers. Yesterday, one of our academy members wrote this big Help Me Post. Hey, I just had a huge event happen. One of my team members is in a relationship with the pastor’s sister, but cheated on her with someone else in the church and got that person pregnant. Now there’s this huge drama and the worship leader in the academy does not know how to handle this because they’ve never been through something like this before. It’s a nasty situation, but it is something that does happen in ministry.

Alex | (01:01)

And so I want to share my answer that I gave to this worship leader. Again, I’m keeping the names out of it. I want to share my answer with you guys so that you can know two things. One, how to handle this situation if it happens in your church. And two, so that you can see the type of help you can get inside of the academy, not just from me, yes, from me, but also from a whole bunch of other worship leaders who rally around you when you have a point of concern or a question or you need advice or you need wisdom. That has been one of my favorite things is seeing how the academy members are really teaching, encouraging and training each other. So if you’re looking for community, if you’re looking for support, if you’re looking for encouragement, if you’re looking for group wisdom, I would encourage you to join us inside the academy, worshipmens for training. Com. One dollar to try. Okay? So let’s get into my answer for this worship leader. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I’m sorry for sin in the world, in our teams, in our churches, and for the destructive nature of sin and that you’re having as the leader to pick up the pieces and deal with this.

Alex | (02:01)

And unfortunately, this is part of ministry. This is part of leadership, and it’s dealing with people’s crap, their garbage, their nastiness. And it’s also making sure we’re suppressing and killing our own sin in our own lives so that we can continue to lead others in this path and helping this person through it. So I’m sorry for what you’re dealing with. Super lame, super discouraging, but God has called you to it, and he has put you in place for this very purpose. And so how I would counsel you on dealing with this man who cheated on the pastor’s sister and got someone else pregnant in the church, it’s an awful situation. Unfortunately, I’ve heard of similar situations in the past. So sorry for what you’re going through. This is how I would counsel you to deal with this team member. And the first thing I would say is to establish that you are for the person. The fact that they came to you and exposed their sin and shared the situation with you shows you that they trust you. What I would do is now join with them in the beginning of the restoration process. It’s going to be a long process.

Alex | (03:15)

It’s going to be a long road, but join with them. Help them to see that you are for them, that you’re coming alongside of them, that you’re not going to smash them with the hammer or oppose them. Now, they might need that. But initially, the fact that they came to you shows me that they respect you, that they need help, that they want help, and that they need you to help them walk through this tragedy of a situation that they’ve created for themselves and for others in the church. So what I would do in that situation, depending on the state of their heart, is I would make sure that they understand that I’m for them, and I would thank them. I would thank them for being honest. I would say, Hey, listen, I know this was probably difficult for you to share. It’s embarrassing. You probably feel condemned, but I want you to know that I’m for you and I’m thankful that you came to me. I’m thankful that you trusted me. I’m thankful that you feel comfortable enough to be honest and real with me in the midst of your sin. And so that’s how I would start is that they see you being receptive to them.

Alex | (04:17)

They’re coming to you in this state of humiliation and you are not smashing them or making them feel worse yet. I mean, they might need some of that, depending on, like I said, the state of their heart, which I’ll get to in a second. But you’re actually accepting them and thanking them and showing them that you are not condemning them, just like Jesus didn’t condemn the woman caught in adultery. He said, Neither do I condemn you, but you are actually for them and with them. And what did Jesus say to the woman in adultery? He said, Go and sin no more. No one’s condemned you. Let’s change. Let’s be different. Let’s grow. And that’s what we want in this process. It’s a restorative process. It’s not a punitive, not a punishment process. It’s a restorative process. We want to see this person restored. And it might be a long, messy, windy road, but that’s what you need to communicate to them, that you’re with them through the process and for them. Now, saying all that is if they are sorrowful and if they are repentent, which it sounds like they are. If they are hard hearted and they don’t care what they did and they don’t plan on changing, you need to take a slightly different tone, which is, Hey, I love you, but you’re wrong.

Alex | (05:28)

You are in sin and this is killing you. It’s destroying the team. It’s destroying these families. It’s wrong. Okay, so depending on the state of their heart, you might need to take a stronger or more gentle approach. But either way, it’s I love you, I’m for you, and I’m going to tell you the truth and guide you through it. The amount of firmness you use just depends on the level of repentance that you sense in the person’s heart. That is just the atonal approach that you should take with this person. Now, this is a man who committed the sin and you are a woman. So I would say you don’t want to be talking about the sexual nature of the sin as a woman to a man. And if anyone is listening after the fact, same applies if it’s a man and a woman who’s in the sin. So I would say try to employ someone from your team, whether it’s your pastor, although this situation is tricky, someone else from the church, an elder, a deacon, somebody that you trust as a godly person to be the primary point of counsel for this man.

Alex | (06:37)

You do not, as a woman, want to be attaching yourself to this man and walking through with him super intimately. You don’t want to be in all the details. So you want to have a man from the church to counsel this person through this process. And you can stay in the loop by just touching base with the person who sinned and also with the elder who’s been assigned to the man. I would say that that’s a wise thing to do and a safe thing to do because sometimes when we walk through really difficult things with people, we can actually form emotional bonds and emotional connections with them, and that can be dangerous as the opposite gender. Just something for you to think about. Then obviously, needless to say, he should not be serving on the team. This is not, again, punishment, and he should know that it’s not punishment. But what I would do is I would frame it in the way like this. I would say, Hey, so and so. It’s obvious that you got off track in your walk with the Lord because this stuff doesn’t just happen overnight. Somewhere along the way, you started to be deceived by the deceitfulness of sin, like Hebrews says, and you have given over to that.

Alex | (07:53)

And you have suppressed the knowledge of the truth. You have suppressed the promptings of the Holy Spirit. And it’s obvious that your walk with the Lord is not where it needs to be. And because of that, I’m not going to be scheduling you on the team for this season because I want you to focus all of your attention and all of your energy on getting right with the Lord and working through this mess that we’ve caused in our team, in our church, with the pastor’s sister, with this other person, with this other person’s family, I need you to focus your energy and attention on getting right in those areas. And therefore, I’m not going to be scheduling you on the team. It’s not even something that he can argue about. It’s this is what you need to do. You need to focus on your soul and you need to focus on getting through this situation. And so I would definitely say that he should not be serving. And I would make sure he knows that it’s not because you’re mean, it’s not because you’re punishing him or taking away something that he likes to do.

Alex | (08:53)

It’s because his heart is wrong and he needs to figure out what went wrong and get right. And he needs to work through all the drama that he’s caused. And honestly, there will be consequences. And so I would say that is a nonnegotiable. He shouldn’t be serving on the team and make sure that it’s not seen as a punitive thing, but as you’re trying to help him grow. In terms of how you communicate with the team, I would say do not communicate with the team any details. If they say, Hey, where’s so and so? They haven’t been serving lately. They don’t need to know the details. Now, if it’s already public, then yes, you should talk about it. You should address it. And what I would say, if it’s already public news and everybody already knows about it, I would say, Hey, guys, listen, this has shown us all how destructive sin is. I want us as a team to realize that each of us matter, and each of our state of our walk with the Lord matters. I would tell your team, if you fall, it destroys the team. So let’s all purpose to be strong in the Lord.

Alex | (10:08)

Let’s all purpose to be pure in our lives. Let’s all purpose to fight sin in our lives. And use this horrible example as a case study of, guys, sin destroys. It destroys the person, it destroys our team, it destroys our church, it destroys families, it destroys the community. If it’s public knowledge, then you can actually talk about it with your team and make it a case study for guys, let’s protect our own hearts. This could happen to any one of us. None of us are above this. We are all susceptible to sin, and the enemy is always trying to take us out because we are worship leaders. We’re a worship team, and he hates what we do. So he’s always aiming his fiery darts at each one of us. So let us take heed and learn from this failure to protect our own hearts and to protect our own lives. Use it as a case study if they already know about it. If they don’t know about it, you need to be koe. You need to be wise, and you need to not talk about it with your team. No gossip, no slander, no little bit of whisper here and there.

Alex | (11:11)

Just, Hey, so and so is having going through a hard situation with their rock with the Lord and with some other personal issues. Let’s lift them up in prayer. That’s pretty much all you need to say. Those are just some general thoughts about how I would walk through this situation. I hope this has helped you. Just please know that we as an academy family are praying for you in this situation. The Lord says in the Book of James… Well, yeah, the Lord because it’s the Word of God. But James says that if anyone lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously without reproach. In other words, God wants to give you wisdom. God will give you wisdom. And all you have to do is ask him for it. So I would encourage you to pray often and to ask God, Lord, help me navigate this situation. I don’t know what to do, but you do. So please give me the right words, the right approach. And the Lord promises to give you that wisdom. So pray, this helps you and God bless you. All right. I hope this was helpful to you. Again, I pray you don’t have to go through these situations, but this is part of being a Minister of the Gospel is dealing with people’s foolish mistakes.

Alex | (12:20)

And I pray that this episode helped you understand how to approach it in your own church. If it does happen to you, Lord willing, it doesn’t. But if it does, hopefully you feel equipped now and ready to at least know how you should approach it. A gain, I want to encourage you, if you want to be part of a supportive, active, encouraging community, check out the worship Ministry Training Academy. You can try it for just $1 for 15 days. You don’t only get the community, but you also get 10 in-depth courses on set building, team building, organization, a whole bunch of other topics, and then live monthly training, exclusive expert interviews, and a bunch of docs and templates and a whole bunch of other things for your team, team devotionals and all that. So you can try it for one dollar. Go to worship Ministrytraining. Com and I will see you in the next episode.